The Not So Positive, Positive

Posted Fri, 2008/12/05 - 07:18 by amybscher in The India Story

I have been debating about whether or not to write this post. When I first got this news, I had to hold it and sit with it and decide what it meant to me for awhile. I had to keep the information as “all mine.” It’s a definite balance for me to be both public in this journey, and private at the same time.

But my original promise to myself and to my readers, was to tell the good, the bad and the ugly. I stand by it, even when something sorta ugly happens.

So here I am.

I’m not sure what this means still, or if it really matters at all.

I finally mustered up enough bravery to get my Lyme Disease tests repeated.

They came back positive.

The test detects antibodies to the Lyme bacteria in the blood. Antibodies are proteins made in response to an infection or virus in the body. They fight it off.

My initial reaction was….yuck. My second reaction was....oh, crap!

And then I started thinking. Way too much.

Had I even waited long enough since my stem cells treatment so that they should be negative? Could the antibodies still be lingering even if the active disease is gone?

Maybe since my immune system is so revved up from the stem cells, my own body is actually fighting whatever little amount of bacteria my journey with needles and pills and liquid medicines left behind? Maybe that’s why there are antibodies for the disease showing up in my blood….my body is working at last.

Maybe it’s good.

Maybe.

But who knows.

It’s one of the demons of being the first of anything. We (the doctors and myself) don’t know how things should be. Everything is new. I have no one to follow, no one to compare to. I actually think it’s been better sometimes. But not now.

I know people with positive Lyme tests that have no symptoms and never have. But, their tests say they have it. Their immune systems are just suppressing the disease from taking over.

I think that’s what’s going to happen for me. Maybe it is already happening.

And maybe someday my tests will say negative.

But I have to live with the fact that I don't know for sure and life is in the "living," not the "wondering."

It took a long time for my body to "fall apart" after I was bitten by that tick. I can't expect everything to come together perfectly so fast.

I am patient with myself, my body and this process I embarked on. I didn't sign up for a cure. I signed up for a journey and I'm in this with my whole heart even in the frustrating times when I cry or pout. Even when I want all the answers and there are none to be found.

I have faith. After all, that one thing alone was what got me here in the first place. From sickness to health, I arrived -- all on the simple belief, that I could.

About amybscher

With a passion for the little things in life, a former 'career' as a pioneering patient, and a sassy spirit with just enough sweetness to get me by, I live by my self-created motto: when life kicks your ass, kick back.amybscher's profile amybscher's blog

Post new comment

Much of the time we are at a tug of war with ourselves, we're so good at doing that. But, then all we need to add to the mix is a "positive" test result and that can easily put us in a tailspin.

For all it's worth, my take is that yes, maybe there is some Lyme, but your body and immune system has been strengthened and regenerated itself to the point where it is able to effectively fight off whatever comes your way.

Keep fighting the fight, stay an inspiration to those following your path and your payback will be continued good health.
m

Amy, don't let this positive test get you down. I completely agree that it is your body and your immune system fighting back, because after years of your immune system being weak, it is strong and revved up and ready to show its stuff!

The antibodies are there, like little warriors, fighting the last little soldiers of dying lyme. Giving the lyme the final kick butt, "Go away, you're not welcome here. And don't ever come back."

I loved your last line - "From sickness to health, I arrived -- all on the simple belief, that I could."

AND YOU CAN!!

You never cease to inspire me. You are awesome.

It's normal for you to feel that way but remember that your immune system is not what it used to be. My wife, who has Advanced Chronic Lyme Disease with co-infections, had Lyme for OVER TEN YEARS before her immune system was compromised and Lyme took over. She had NO symptoms until she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, went through the surgery, then the Chemotherapy and radiation treatments that TOTALLY wiped out her immune system.
Thankfully, you now have a healthy immune system. There is much that we don't know as you are blazing the trail.
Stay positive, you may want to consider another round of antibiotics to get any 'straggler spirochetes' that MAY have been dormant/hiding.
My gut feeling is this is a 'false positive' and not to worry.
l

Hi, I just wanted to add another vote of confidence to this.....no problem if your tests are positive! I don't think any of the doctors know for sure if the antibodies ever disappear in entirety in Lyme and co. It kind of makes sense that they wouldn't, really. I also know several people with positive tests...and they are not sick, not even close. So now YOU are one of those people.
xoxo
C

Healthcare Hacks